


Everybody Asks.

by BabyWithWings



Series: Professor/Cadet Spirk [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Assisted Suicide, Child Death, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kodos - Freeform, M/M, Massacre, Orphans, Starvation, Tarsus IV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-16 04:24:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16078358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabyWithWings/pseuds/BabyWithWings
Summary: Everybody asks what happened on Tarsus IV. Jim often kept it vague. And while Spock never asked, Jim always knew he was curious. And so, if only this once, he would tell the truth about what happened there, and the events that followed.





	Everybody Asks.

Jim didn’t like to talk a lot about what happened to him on Tarsus IV. But he knew that someday, Spock would ask why Jim kept that part of himself clouded and dark. What  _ really _ happened there. Or maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe he would never say anything, never even consciously think about it. But he would want to know; everyone wanted to know what really happened on Tarsus IV. When he was young, being escorted off the Starship that had come to save him with the other kids, the first thing he saw when he walked out into the sunlight were news reporters. Jim was one of the older kids, so everyone naturally flocked to him; and he was reminded of when Kodos gathered everyone in the square and announced that half the people would be killed. Those kids ran to him and he picked up two of the youngest 

and led them out into the wilderness, finding them shelter in a cave four miles west of the city. And when those reporters came at him, all of those kids -  _ his  _ kids - swarmed around Jim and hid behind him, taking his hands and holding onto him tightly. Jim kept his child held high, tears in his eyes, but he would not cry. He would be strong for his kids. So, he sucked it up and led his kids away, the Starfleet soldiers forcing the reporters to move, and they all piled into the ambulance that was waiting to take them to the hospital.

“Jim?” Spock’s voice was distant, and Jim was shaken out of his train of thought. He looked up from across the table, and he saw Spock, looking rather concerned. “Are you alright?”

“I am,” Jim responded, automatically, then winced a little. He used to say that all the time. “Sorry… I was just… thinking.”

“About what, ashal-veh?”

“Tarsus IV.” Spock was quiet after that. Kirk tilted his head a little bit. “Aren’t you the least bit curious about what happened?”

“It is none of my business-”

“No, perhaps not, but you are curious, aren’t you?” Spock set down his tea, looking a little… caught.

“Yes… I am. Acutely.” That was enough for Jim. The human leaned back in his seat.

“To start, I’m gonna have to go a little further back. To Frank.” Spock glanced back up, but said nothing. “He was my Uncle, on my Mom’s side. You already know he was an asshole, I don’t have to explain that… but when my Mom kicked him out, she wasn’t around, and she didn’t have anyone to watch me. I didn’t try to argue that I had been taking care of myself for almost four years, she didn’t need that reminder that she wasn’t there, and that Sam had run away, and that Frank was more than an abuser. I figured that wherever she put me, I could survive. So, through Starfleet, she put me in a boarding school on Tarsus IV. It was a good school, I learned a lot about engineering there. I read most of Shakespeare’s work, took up painting, made good friends… Hell, I even lost my virginity there.”

“The day that Kodos overthrew the government was the day I met my kids. I remember he gathered all  the children, the teachers, the parents in the square. Eight thousand of us, in total. He had the government officials on their knees on a stage at the front of a square. He had won over the armies. He said that his revolution was successful, but survival depends on drastic measures. That our continued existence is a threat to the ‘more valued’ members of the colony. So he decided that he would kill half of us. He shot the government officials, execution style. That’s how he got his title.” Spock’s jaw clenched, but Jim took a breath. He was this far in. He couldn’t stop now.

“Then, all Hell broke loose. The Adults began to run at the soldiers, attacking them, some taking their kids and fleeing. Bodies were dropping left and right. I saw my best friend disintegrate due to a disruptor. But, for whatever reason… I knew I would be fine. I could survive on my own. I’d done it before. But looking at all the people dying, I knew there would be many orphans who couldn’t, and would die… or worse. So I took an infant in one arm, a toddler in another, and told eight other kids to follow me, and we booked it to the forest. I told them to grab as many supplies as they could on our way out. And we just kept on running until we couldn’t hear the screaming anymore.” Jim’s jaw grew stiff, tears burning in his eyes. 

“James, if this is too much-”

“No,” He said softly. “No, I… I have to do this.” Spock nodded, taking his hand. Jim sucked in a breath, let it out, and continued. “I found us a cave we could stay in. The baby had fallen asleep after crying for so long. I gave it to one of the older kids so I could start a fire, and once we got it going, we looked at our supplies. There was a pocket knife, a few bottles of water, three apples, a bundle of bananas, half a loaf of bread, a spoon, a first aid kit that was running low on supplies, a few blankets, and two books; a collection of Shakespeare’s works, and  _ Hatchet  _ by Gary Paulsen. Once we got everything squared away, putting the food in a bag and closing it tight, we sat down and introduced ourselves. I went first, I said my name, that my mom was in Starfleet, and that I knew how to survive.”

“Next was a boy, a few months younger than me, who introduced himself after handing me the baby back. His name was Kenny Wilson. His parents were killed in the mass shooting that had just occurred, and that he could name every constellation in the sky. After him was a girl, about the same age as me. Her name was Micah Santiago. Her dad was in Starfleet, A Lieutenant Commander aboard the USS Clement. Her mom died when she was a baby. She was a poet. Then there was Nigel Quinn. He said he didn’t know his parents, that he’d been sent to Tarsus IV by Starfleet when they found him in a raid. He wanted to be an engineer when he grew up.”

“Isabella Bracho was ten. She was being raised by her grandparents, who’d gone missing in the confusion. She never got to tell them that she liked girls. Nerve Ovule was a Betazoid. Her mom was a teacher there; she was only five. She wanted to be in Starfleet when she grew up. Her twin brother Mesrih was next. He wanted to be in Starfleet, too, but he wanted to be an engineer, whereas she wanted to be a Captain. Ryan Elleth was seven. His Aunt was raising him, but was one of the government officials who’d been shot… He wanted his Aunt back.” Jim closed his eyes briefly, trying to collect himself. It was all still so vivid.

“Jean Montague was thirteen. They were a runaway. Their parents hurt them, so they found refuge in the school. They wanted to become a teacher, he loved the school so much… The toddler was still holding onto me, attached at my hip. She said her name was Harper McKinley. Her parents were some of the soldiers that attacked. She said that she hated them for what they did… she wanted to be a Doctor, so she could fix it. When it came to the baby, we had no idea. She didn’t have any necklace or tag on her clothes telling us her name. So we decided to name her Valery, for the time being.”

“I had to cut and mash up the apples and bananas for her to eat. Kenny was really quiet, had a sense for danger, so he would sometimes go back to the school to get more supplies. He always came back with three items of food, never less, and never more. He didn’t put himself in unnecessary danger. When he came back, I would hand Valery off to him and Micah and I would head back to the square, if it was clear. We got a phaser, once. We thought about killing Kodos, but I decided that we should use it to heat up rocks. That way, we wouldn’t create so much smoke with the fire, and we had a better chance at staying alive.”

“It was a few weeks in when Harper and Valery got sick. Their immune systems were not as matured as ours. Micah and I snuck into the hospital; it was swarming with soldiers, but we managed to stay out of sight as long as we stayed vigilant and away from the mess hall. One of the Doctors there, his name was Doctor Ethan Rainn, gave us the right medicine for them. He became our link to medical supplies. Valery got better almost instantly, but Harper… She was more serious.” Jim swallowed a little. “Turns out Harper was more prone to relapse. We couldn’t risk another visit to the hospital. We gave her hot food, and I kept her warm at night, but…” He looked down, throat sore. “...she died. We buried her next to the river - she loved it down there…” Spock squeezed his hand.

“But we had to stay strong. Doctor Rainn kept us well stocked with medical supplies and bottles of water, he gave us his address so we could find him with less risk of being caught... He gave us the address of a woman who lost her baby in the shooting. Her name was Amelia. She provided us with breastmilk for Val… God, she cried every time she gave us the bottles… Every single time I cried with her…” Tears fell down Jim’s cheeks. He had worked past the events of Tarsus IV, he  _ knew  _ he had, but it still hurt to think about… maybe it always would. 

“It rained the day that Nigel ran away. He left a note, said that he wasn’t providing anything good for the group. He didn’t take anything except a bottle of water and half of an apple. We never saw him again… But when I went into the city alone, I saw his jacket, torn up in the square. I just… I had to get it. I  _ had  _ to. So I walked out into the square… It was dead silent. I thought that no one was there…” He clenched his jaw. “I grabbed the jacket. When I turned around I saw one of Kodos’ soldiers, disruptor pointed at me. He asked me for my papers. I was… frozen. He asked me again, and this time I reached into my bag…” Jim looked up into Spock’s eyes. “I shot him with the disruptor.” Spock stared into his eyes. “I will never forget his scream… I just shoved the jacket into my bag and ran like Hell to safety. I didn’t go to the cave, I didn’t want to lead them to the others… I went back to my dorm room. I gathered up the blankets and sheets, some clothes, toothbrushes, shampoo, and conditioner… When it was nightfall, I jumped out of the window and ran into the forest. I made it back to the cave and made dinner as normal, fed Val and made sure the other ate their portions… Laid down the sheets on the ground, bundled Valery up into a blanket, let her sleep on my chest. I cried when the other fell asleep. I had killed a man… And I would surely go to hell.”

“You did what was necessary,” Spock said, softly. “No one could blame you for that.”

“I did. I blamed myself… alot. Especially for… for Jean.” His voice cracked at the name. “Jean died right in front of me.” Jim closed his eyes. “It was just them and I. I was teaching them how to climb up the building, and Jean got spotted. I hopped down, and I yelled for them to do the same, but… They made eye contact with that soldier. Neither of them moved, and I stayed silent because for the first time since the massacre, I saw Jean  _ smile.  _ I had never seen them so happy. And then they flipped off the soldier, and the soldier shot them with a disruptor… I booked it into the forest. I collapsed next to Harper’s grave, and I cried for  _ hours.  _ I had lost three of my kids. And when I went back to the cave, no one had to asked what happened. Micah made dinner that night while I bathed Valery in the river. I didn’t leave, nor did I let anyone else leave the cave, for almost two weeks.”

“I only let Micah go after Val ran out of food. I remember that, despite our hunger, she’d grown. Her hair was more thick, bright, coppery red, and her eyes were hazel. She used to be so tiny in my arms, but she’d begun to crawl after three months. But when she came back… It was with Kodos’ soldiers, holding her by her shirt. She cried. We were all so weak, we couldn’t fight back. I told them to let Kenny carry Valery, she was only baby, and they agreed, if I would be dragged, shirtless, back to the city. It didn’t hurt so bad at first, but then the sticks and the rocks began to scratch up my back, ticks bit at it, and I bled. But I didn’t scream… I didn’t want to scare Valery. Somewhere along the way, we were found by more soldiers, and I was thrown into a cage that was strapped on top of a hover car with the rest of the kids. I remember being so thirsty. I’d stopped being hungry a while ago. My back was throbbing… But I just held the baby close. I shielded her from the sun, I didn’t want her to get sunburnt. I remember getting to the square, and suddenly there’s this loud noise; something had broken into the atmosphere.” Jim smiled.

“A starship. Federation soldiers beamed down, and we were beamed aboard. My kids and I latched onto each other, and once we realized we were safe… We cried. We were taken to sickbay, and they fixed up my back. We were all treated for malnutrition and acute dehydration, but Valery was alright. Just behind on vaccines. She would cry if anyone except me or the others held her, though. I remember sleeping in the medbay with her on my chest, the first night, and I remember thinking that the mattress was too soft.” Jim laughed softly. “I’d gotten used to the rock. We fled to Earth immediately, and about four days later, we were back on Earth. When we got off that starship, I remember the flashes of cameras, reporters damn near tripping over themselves to get to us. My kids clung to me, and I held Valery closer. It reminded us of the massacre. I didn’t let myself cry, even though I could feel Mesrih crying into my shirt. I couldn’t breathe, and I remember I was beginning to get this headache. The Federation soldiers made a pathway to the ambulance, and I beelined for it, the kids matching my speed. We got in, I handed Val to Kenny, and I fainted.” 

“I woke up in the hospital. They said I’d had a massive panic attack. My mom and my brother were there… they were both crying. They tried asking me all these questions, my mom trying to grasp me and hold me but I couldn’t see any of my kids. So I called in a nurse and asked, and she said that they were all in different rooms. I asked for Valery - no, I demanded for her. I had to make sure she was alive. I had to hold her. I remember the fear in that nurses eyes, and she said that she would get Valery. I didn’t answer anything until I had her in my arms, seeing her smiling up at me.”

“And what happened to the kids?” Spock asked, softly.

“Mesrih and Nerve went back to Betazed to live with their aunt and uncle. Kenny went to his Godparents, Micah was reunited with her Dad. Ryan went to his grandparents, Isa went to her older cousin’s. Valery was adopted by a family not too far from where I lived in Riverside, but I only got to babysit her once or twice before my therapist told my mom that letting me spend time with her was counteractive to my healing process. I never saw Valery again, but I know that they let her keep the name Valery.” 

“Jim…” Spock murmured softly, gently squeezing his hand. “I am sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault, love.”

“It was not. But someone needs to apologize for all the wrongs that have been forced upon you.” Jim gently squeezed his hand.

“I love you, Spock,” He sighed softly. “I love you more than I thought possible.”

“And I cherish thee greatly, ashayam.” Jim smiled at him, and he saw the worry lines in Spock’s face relax. The human kissed Spock’s hand, and the two continued to eat there meals.

 

Jim and Spock walked onto campus, hand in hand. Jim had a PADD in his hand, reading over his study material as Spock guided him along, when he suddenly bumped into someone.

“Oh, Sorry-” A girl said, bending down to pick up her things.

“It’s alright,” Jim said, helping her collect her items.  When Jim looked up to hand her things back, he was met with hazel eyes and firey hair, fair skin and freckles. 

“Thanks,” She said.

“Are you new here?” He asked, standing up. She straightened up, shoving her things into a messenger bag.

“Yeah, I just joined the Engineering track.” 

“You’re pretty young.”

“I managed to test in.” She gave him a smile, and Jim’s heart pounded.

“What’s your name?”

“I’m Valery. Valery St. James.” She offered to shake his hand, and he met it. Her eyes seemed to shift, looking rather curious. “And you?”

“I’m Jim Kirk.” They shared a grin.

“It was nice to meet you, Jim Kirk, but I’ve got to get to class.”

“Good luck, Valery.” She grinned a little wider, and the two went their separate ways.

That night, Jim Kirk would spend hours awake, thinking about his littlest friend from Tarsus IV.

That same night, Valery St. James would have vivid dreams of a young man holding her to his chest while he cried, a group of people, faceless, protecting her, and a cave, dark and cold, warmed by a phaser-heated rock.

 

Neither would see each other ever again.


End file.
